19 Jul 2007

"Welcome back to Hyde Park" and other short stories

Well... not stories as such. Or really at all. It's all about carrots and sticks. Get sucked in by the (in inverted commas) 'intriguing' title and then whipped by my harsh words.
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A few weeks ago I moved into my new house in Hyde Park (Leeds) having lived in Woodhouse for a year. I was immediately struck by a sense of a familiarity. Nay... sentimentality. This wasn't just the overpriced vegtables at Sainsburys/ Jacksons nor the tourist attraction that is the boarded up Royal Park Primary School. No... I (and my housemate on a seperate occassion) heard a (again in inverted commas) 'sneeze'. But not any old sneeze. Not the 'I've just dusted after a whole year of not doing so, and it has got up my nose' sneeze. Not the 'damn the pollen count, even though its raining' sneeze. Not even the commoner-garden 'morning sneezing fit' sneeze. The 'I have a cold' sneeze? NO

It was a 'directed at me' sneeze' It was the 'A-Jew' sneeze. Sounds a bit like 'A-Choo' but 'Jew' instead. Which is quite funny. Because I am one. A Jew that is. Or so my skullcap would suggest to the modern Hyde Park youth. They don't know me and I doubt it was to exercise my world-renowned sense of humour. Even if it was, it wouldn't be very funny... I've heard it before. Many times. It gets less amusing each time. They always look like they want to confront me but I don't oblige with anything more than an evil stare.

It seems to be quite a uniform Hyde Park thing. I wonder where they teach it. At home? At the mosque? At the Young Marrieds group? At the 'bring your child to work' day? I don't know and probably never will.

Never mind... it could always be worse.
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On reading Simon Schama's 'A History of Britain: Volume one' I discovered something I didn't know before. Well... many things. Otherwise why read the book? But just one which sticks out this particular moment and not the one about when and why the 'Prince of Wales' title first came about. Instead... it is the one about the 'yellow stars' that Edward ('Longshanks') I of England (and feudal overlord of Wales and for a short time Scotland) forced the Jews to wear to identify themselves. I'd never heard of yellow-star-wearing apart from in connection to the NAZIs and the Nurembeurg Laws.

I mean- I shouldn't have been surprised. The NAZIs were the first to release the 'Greatest Hits' album of anti-semitic symbols. Most of the NAZI leaders were educated and cultured men. They knew their history and they knew their style (those black unifroms will never go out of style). They didn't make much up themselves but they arranged past ideas in the most effective manner possible (one might argue that arranging other people's ideas is the very mark of 'orginality')

But.. I'd never thought about it. But it originated in Britain! Edward didn't learn his trade at the mosque. No... his 'pious' mother Eleanor was a keen believer on the 'blood libels' The Jews killed Christian children to use their blood in their Passover matzot (unleavened bread). I've never done it myself. And on Passover... all the Rakusen matzo box says under ingredients is 'flour and water' (hence bread). I'm sure the trading standards agency would have something to say about this mislabelling of products.

In this very same era, England has the dubious honour of being the first to expel its Jews 'as if they were some contagious disease' (as said by Schama)
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But then again... Schama is Jewish and part of the world Jewish conspiracy. Last week I watched 'The War on Britain's Jews?' on Channel 4 by Richard Littlejohn. The most interesting point to come out of it for me (apart from the desecration of garves, Jewish schools having to have high fences and rabbis being attacked) was the perception that if you believe in anti-semitism 'you must be a Jew'. If you aren't a hysterical Jew, you wouldn't believe the malicious rumours we spread. The presenter has been called a Jew and sent anti-semitic emails, as has Nick Cohen (who is not a Jew but has criticised by the current state of the 'left'), as has the author of the all-parliamentary report into anti-semitism.

So the moral is.. don't listen to me! I think this is sound advice at the best of times. But I am complaining about anti-semitism... so even more reason
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As much as Christian Europe were the progenitors of such virulent anti-semitims the arab world has done a valiant job at taking it up. Just looking that latest blood libels coming from the Middle East, I was 'amused' to learn that we are now using the blood of Palestinian (oh how fickle us Jews are not to be using Christian babies anymore) children for our Purim cakes. We've branched out!

There was a very nice interview with Muhammad Al-Buheiri (a researcher given a scholarship by Egyptian government) on 'Nile TV' saying we still do the blood libels today:

Interviewer: "I have another question. Who are the people who prepare these matzos? Are they Jewish extremists or moderates? As a researcher specializing in inter-faith dialogue, do you believe this still occurs in Israel? I'm rephrasing the question."

Muhammad Al-Buheiri: "I believe it does, because these are religious rituals."

Inter-faith worker? Inter-faith work takes tact. Whilst I don't tact this guy surely does:

Muhammad Al-Buheiri: "First of all, we should be aware that the Jews always implement a rule they consider basic: A loud voice is capable of erasing the truth."

Of Course the interviewer helpfully interevenes so as not to upset a sensitive, politically-correct viewing public: Interviewer: "The media are controlled by the Jews."
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Sweet dreams Children

15 Jun 2007

PRAYER FOR THE PEOPLE OF DARFUR- Chief Rabbi Sir Jonathan Sacks

PRAYER FOR THE PEOPLE OF DARFUR
Chief Rabbi Sir Jonathan Sacks

O God of Peace,
Who commands us to seek peace,
Send peace to the people of Darfur.
O God of compassion,
Who hears the cry of the afflicted,
Hear the cry of the victims,
The bereaved, the injured,
And all those who live their days in fear.
Rouse the hearts of the leaders of the world
To put an end to the bloodshed, the violence,
The rape, the starvation, and the terror,
That has ravaged and endangered an entire population.
Be with those who are working for peace,
Or tending the sick,
Or bringing food to the hungry,
Or shelter to the homeless,
Or hope to those close to despair.
O God of justice and love,
Let us not be indifferent
To the cry of the persecuted
And the tears of those who have seen
Their homes, their families and their communities destroyed.
And may their plea and their plight
Reach the ears and hearts of those who have it in their power
To bring peace to a troubled region
And aid to a devastated people.
Oseh shalom bimromav:
May You who makes peace in Your high places
Help us make peace down here on earth. Amen.

Rav Soloveitchik Quotes 1

"Mystical trends... phenomenological emotionalism, the so-called humanistic hermeneutics, and the modern existential philosophy have played a prominet role in the confusion that pervaded European thought. It is no mere coincidence that the most celebrated philosophers of the third Reich were outstanding disciples of Husserl... When reason surrenders it supremacy to dark, equivocal emotions, no dam is able to stem the rising tide of the affective stream" Hlakhic Mind- p.53

"It need hardly be stressed that this reduction of religion into some recondite, subjective current is absolutely perrilous. It frees every dark passion and every animal impulse in man. Indeed, it is of greater urgency for religion to cultivate objectivity than perhaps for any other bracnch of human culture. If G-d is not the source of the most objectified norm, faith in Him is nothing but an empty phrase. Pluralism by no means indictaes escapism and romanticism in knowledge. If cognitive approaches to reality exist apart from the scientific, then they must be based upon strictly logico-epistemological principles. They cannot be permitted to run amok in a subjective world. It is indeed unfortunate that pluralism, originally well intended, has, in certain doctrines, assumed proportions that undermine the most elementary principles of reason. To avert misery and confusiom the human mind would do well were it to approach the subject realm with far greater caution and reseve than it has in the past" Halakhic mind, p.55

What will You do? (or at least a prod up my own backside)

Oh, we are a species that like to get inspired. We see a TV programme here. A rousing speech is given there. EMotional blackmail round the corner and to the left. This prompts us into immediate action. The odd Live 8 here. The odd giving a few pence in the charity box there. A charity record in the dustbin after a few weeks. But what about long term? After we have marched to Gleneagles, broken the windows of a few MacDonalds, placated our guilt, done our bit?

It is so hard to keep inspiration going. I read 'To heal a Fractured World"; I read "What will you do? Forty-eight things to make a difference" and got very excited and planned how I was going to change the world. But other things got in the way.... oh well, I'll get inspired again one day.

But that isn't good enough. We shouldn't just do good when we feel like it, when our emotions sway us this way or that. Our lives should consist in acting out those values that we hold dear. Our whole lives should be filled with meaning and responsibility:

"We need to give voice to the Biblical message that serving G-d and our fellow human beings are inseperably linked. The greasted gift is to be able to give, and the life we lead is measured by the good we do. Let the title of this book be a challenge to us all: WHat will you do?
The Chief Rabbi Professor Doctor Sir Jonathan Sacks Esq. MA. pHD. A-Level, GCSE, SATS level 2

We should do good because it is good 'lishma' (for its own sake). We're not going to change the world instantly and doing our bit shouldn't be predicated on its consequences. It is the small things, the things which will help 'a bit'; the are the things we should be doing and doing all the time. None of life (including charity) should be based on those transcendent moments, those one off events, times of ecstatcy and total confidence. As Leibowitz says: Life is about the prose not the poetry. In a way goodness is mundane. It is about what we do in the warp and woof of life that ultimately accounts. This is no means natural to me... This is why I need to write this load of rubish to give me a big poke up the backside.

Tzedek is Hebrew for charity but also justice. It is not (just) the kind of thing just to help us feel good about ourselves but what we should do as a result of a conscience decision to be part of the ethical species 'man' rather than the biological species 'homo sapien'.

So the Chief's suggestions and those of the London School og Jewish studies 'Jewish Responsibility Project' Braap, Braap! (please G-d may I act upon them)...


1. GIve away a bag of clothes you never wear
2. Visit a residential home
3. Welcome people to your shul
4. Donate your hair to children suffereing from hair loss (oops... i initially typed 'donate your children who are suffering from hair loss! I hope there is nothing subconcious there. I know I'm disturbed but donating my children [Issaachar, Zebulin, Amalek and Devorah-Simcha-Shalom-Meyer-Moishe-Zalman] is a bit extreme)
5. Volunteer abroad this summer
6. Twin a bar/batmitzvah with a child abroad
7. Help the homeless at Christmas
8. Have a really happy brithday- everyone can bring something that will be given to charity
9. Help Israeli hospitals and medical research- save the world!
10. Charity box at home
11. Save a life- give blood
12. Make a gift of your chametz before Pesach
13. Give children's toys to a hospital
14. Adopt an Israeli family
15. Buy one FairTrade product next time you go shopping
16. Bring music into someones life
17. Make up a minyan at a funeral
18. Donate breast milk- for neonatal intensive care units [I've tried...]
19. Volunteer to help people with special needs
20. Learn basic first aid skills
21. Donate your old specs
22. Make the first cheque of a new chequebook out to charity
23. Join the bone marrow register
24. Teach an elderly person how to use email and the internet
25. Share your dog [don't cut it in two though]
26. Recycle your mobile phone
27. Bring Judaism to a residential home [presumably Jewish people in residential homes! Not jumping out at random old men an getting them to lay tefillin. But then again... Noachides... there's a market]
28. Befriend an elderly person
29. GIve money to improve a child's life [not random children offf the street! Through children's charities!]
30. Set up a support network in your community
31. Help keep our community safe... join CST [or be a vicious vidulante with sticks, stones and Qassam rockets... or don't]
32. Mark a bar/batmitzvah by doing something special
33. Visit a person in hospital [and bring grapes! grapes are vital! if you go without the grapes it is as if you have never been at all! COnfucious says 'bring grapes' Martin Luther King said 'bring grapes' Jesus 'grapes are love; bring grapes' Mr. Tom Ellsworth, 512 Artley Avenue, Suffolk with a broken leg says 'mmmm. I like grapes']
34. Give books [esp. those heretical ones. you dirty stopout]
35. Prepare a meal for someone who needs it
36. Help someone get to shul
37. Donate your wedding dress to a gemach
38. Speak up! (e.g. anti-semitism or against chicken flu.Whatever!)
39. Help the homeless on the street
40. Donate your old computer
41. Distribute leftover challas from your local kosher bakery [and is there isn't one in your local area, build one! especially in COrnwall where I would love to live]
42. Help the housebound
43. Visit a children's ward
44. At your next celebration, get someone to give to charity instead of you
45. SUpport a project in Israel and visit it
46. Help the homeless with general life skills
47. Visit a shiva house and comfort the mourners
48. Open a charity account

So there we go.

"There are many more ways than 48, but this is a great start. Everyone should read this book. Be different; make a difference"
Bob Geldof

Well if Bob Geldof says it.....

You can never beat a good anagram (well, you can but..)

DORMITORY rearranged is DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN rearranged is BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER rearranged is MOON STARER

DESPERATION rearranged is A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES rearranged is THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH rearranged is HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE rearranged is HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES rearranged is CASH LOST IN'EM

EVANGELIST rearranged is EVIL'S AGENT

ANIMOSITY rearranged is IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS rearranged is LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS rearranged is ALAS! NO MORE ZS

A DECIMAL POINT rearranged is I'M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES rearranged is THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO rearranged is TWELVE PLUS ONE

MOTHER-IN-LAW rearranged is WOMAN HITLER

9 Mar 2007

Parshat Ki Tissa

“Go- get down; for your people whom you brought up from the land of Egypt have corrupted themselves.” The golden calf, in this week’s parsha, seems almost to lead to a complete breakdown of G-d’s relationship with Israel. The gemarra explains “Go-get down” as telling Moses “get down from your lofty station…. Now that Israel has sinned, what are you to Me?” Equally, Avraham ben HaRambam makes the point that no longer are Israel “my [G-d’s] people” but “your [Moses’] people… this rabble whom you concerned yourself with”. G-d wants to destroy the Jewish people and only special pleading Moses prevents this from happening.


Parshat Ki Tissa, through the story of the golden calf exemplifies the Torah’s approach to the dual aspects of belief and practice. The Torah is not a book of philosophy or theology, science or history, or esoteric, mystical knowledge. This is not to say that these disciplines are not valuable and they may even be necessary to appreciate the work of creation. However, what is of primary concern is our place in creation; with the relationship between G-d and the children of Israel being the primary subject matter of the Torah. It is in this light that beliefs and practices must be viewed; mediated through the prism of covenant. The gripe of the Torah in relation to the golden calf does not seem to be that the children of Israel, per se, had a philosophically incorrect view of G-d. Neither are the moral standards of idolaters, of much concern to the Talmud, the primary issue. Instead, idolatry here can be conceived as, or resultant from, the breakdown of the relationship between G-d and us.


Let us illustrate this further. There is no intrinsic holiness in the Jewish people, or the land of Israel or in the tablets of the law (etc). Moses smashing the tablets amply demonstrates this. As R. Meir Simhah explains “The moment Israel sinned and transgressed what were written thereon, [the tablets] became mere bric-a-brac devoid of sanctity”. These things only get holiness from being associated with commands from G-d. Israel made the mistake of endowing the golden calf with intrinsic holiness. But what precisely was the mistake? It was not in itself the belief that the golden calf represented G-d (although strictly false) or the practice of using symbols (etc) in order to worship Him. G-d himself later commanded that there be statues of the cherubim be placed inside the mishkan (earlier in the Torah but chronologically later) to serve as the portal between the physical and spiritual worlds. The only difference between the acts is that G-d commanded us to have the cherubim.


Physical things are there to be used and so seeing intrinsic holiness in them (deifying them) is like saying G-d is there to be used. Israel “making G-d in its own image” leads to an unhealthy view of what a relationship should be about. When they say “Rise make us a god who will lead us” they want a G-d who will fight their battles for them and give them psychological comfort. They are not worshipping G-d-qua-G-d, but G-d-qua-the person who does stuff for me. Of course, it is no relationship where one party is the dominator and the other to be dominated. A key element of relationship is sacrifice; giving even when one cannot get in return.


Ki Tissa imparts important lessons as to our place in the world. There are times when we have to advance, subdue and conquer. We have to do science, create technology, and participate in civil society. Yet there are times when we have to resign, retreat and sacrifice. When we pray to G-d and keep the mitzvoth, we do simply because we are commanded; and not to derive personal gain. Both advance and sacrifice are important aspects in life and without one or the other, there would be no covenant.

26 Jan 2007

Nonsense

Do you believe in pollywogs? Do you agree that there are =/*.**/'s? Do you believe in tampoline-electrifying-cacti? You surely must accept that one day popodijhgiuguy's will return?

WHAT?!?!?! Stupid right? Unfortunately this is what most people do most of the time. They use words like 'ghost' 'G-d' and 'soul' yet what they mean is 'pollywog', '=/*.**/' and 'popodijhgiuguy'

I was thinking that writing something when angry that is open to public viewing is a bad idea. Especially when drinking oneself stupid (well not drinking that much.. but its all relative). It can only turn out to offend people or make me look bad in some way or another. But i think I will anyway....

There is nothing more innane than stupid questions, asked stupidly. The only way you can converse is by engaging in stupidity with them. They give no meaningful criteria to what they mean; let alone, provide any criteria by which on could debate with them. Despite this, they believe there so-called 'idea' to be particularly 'un-stupid' and worthy of debate. Of course debate here simplye means a jolly old discussion where we can feel good that they have expressed their opinion. Their actual 'belief' is not up for discussion. Why? Because it is their belief; pure and simple.

Under this category fall such interesting dinner-time discussions as "Do you believe in ghosts?" So Neil, what do you think? I think the question is meaningless. So you don't believe in ghosts? I didn't say that. So you do then? I didn't say that either. I haven't the foggiest as to what you're going on about. I don't know what a 'popodijhgiuguy'; it is nonsense; it has no sense; our language gives no sense to it; it doesn't have a meaning; it means nothing. I neither believe nor disbelive it. it is merely a mark on the paper or a distinctly annoying noise coming from your mouth. 'But I swear to you', one participant will say, 'my mum saw a ghost, and my mum is the most honest peson I know'. Is she indeed? I would never doubt a self-evidnet truth such as that for a minute. But IT STILL DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING. Moreover, I'm absolutely incredulous that the same people that would say something 'purpose in the universe' (and the practical responsibility it entails) is superstitious or mysterious; will happily go on about ghosts.

Stupidity, however, I can deal with (that's not what I'm angry about). There is no law saying "Don't be stupid". It doesn't make you any less worthy of dignity, respect, value or anything else because you are stupid. What's more, I'm stupid more often than not. Let people be stupid I say... what harm does it do? If a particular 'word' comforts people, gives them a sense of meaning, induces a big fluffy feeling inside, or is simply something people believe; good luck to them.

As far as ghosts go, this position is absolutely fine. Ghosts shmosts. Whatever. Who gives a toss? In fact, this is precisely why people are more likely to assent to ghosts than G-d because 'believing' in 'G-d' might mean people have to get off their lazy backsides and do something abou it. But it is precisely the reason why being stupid when it comes to matters is more dangerous. Because it means more.

Okay.... but if they have pseudo-mystical understanding of G-d and the soul and such like; and such a view is stupid what possible difference could it make? If it makes people happy, more fulfilled (etc) so what that they are stupid? The fact that 'it matters' what you say about such things means that you are likely to spread the word and not only be stupid but spread your stupidity. Again, so what if there is a whole community of people saying stupid things about the sole? The problem is not with the stupid opinions themselves, which I can live with. The problem is the bad practical effects that they can cause.

When you get such comments "women cannot learn gemarra (commentary on Jewish law) because their brains are differnet and their souls are different" then stupidity matters. Is my soul blue whilst a women's soul is pink? Is mine rectangular, whilst theirs is triangular? Dose my soul bounce around and proclaim "I'm good at Torah; I'm good at Torah" whilst a women's bounces around and says "As long as I know the laws of Kashrut, I'm just dandy"? What do you mean? Whilst I'm not going to discuss it now, the soul is an absolutely vital concept (although much misused). Secondly, I know very well what RAMBAM means when he talks bout a soul, what the mystics mean, what the bible means,etc but I have absolutely no clue what you mean. You are using this word "soul" to prove a very dodgy point. A 'point' that is used to meet your agenda and yet means nothing. What the hell could it possibly mean that the womens soul is not suited to studying gemarra. Your words are nonsense and yet you believe them to be so 'un-stupid' that not only can we not challenge them but have a practical effect on the people you are preaching to.

Look, I don't know if halachically women can or cannot study gemarra. Maybe they can, maybe they can't. Such dogmatic assertions as 'there is no position which they can' is definately false. When the chief rabbi approves of it and Rav Soloveitchik says that they can; then at the very least it is a viable halachic option. But this is besides the point.... If women cannot halchicahlly, they cannot halachically; because of a halachic reason. NOT because of some rubbish/mystical/essentialist/sexist/pseudo-philsophical/nonsense/mumbo-jumbo/'pollywog ' reason about the nature of a man and woman's soul.

At the very least, you should say what you mean or whether it means anything at all. It does no good to tell me "the soul is a Jewish concept" or "G-d says so" or "...just because you have a problem with Jewish teaching". Firstly, if G-d told me personally that '=/*.**/' was true, it gives me absolutely no explanation as to what it means. So if you insist (no matter what halacha says) that women have different souls and should not do gemarra; at least tell me what you mean. Secondly, I have absolutely no trouble with the 'Jewish concept' it is just that you are not telling me what you are taking the 'jewish concept to be'. The 'jewish concept' uses the word soul to cover a wide variety of hebrew terms and yet your are not telling what the common factor is or why this reflects on a woman's soul. In fact, I think you are peverting the 'Jewish concept to further halacha to your own ends. Thirdly, if I am correct, you are taking a very anti-Jewish view of what the soul is.

Oh... it is Shabbat now and i haven't finished my rant... will be continued