Most people use their Facebook status message as an emotional cry for help: "I'm feeling abandoned". I must say I have succumbed once or twice but generally resisted temptation. Instead, here is the pick of the quotes, sayings or jokes that I put up instead for people's delectation and/or just to show thoroughly witty, cad and bounder I am. These ain't no Cadbury's Roses.
To me, About me, By me
Mohammed T to me: "you cant just sit around waiting for Moshiach mate, you gotta do shit. Where would the Jewish people be if they were all zombies?"
Neil Clarke is according to Nikk Effingham, "one of those WEIRD atheists who assents to all kinds of theistic sentences"
Me to anyone who couldn't care less: "yore? yore! yadin? yadin! yatir? yatir! yatus? probably not (Red Bull hypothesis fails)"
Just 'ha'
Socrates, "By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."
The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals
Nietzche: "it is not their love for men but the impotence of their love for men which hinders the Christians of today from - burning us."
Religious in-jokes
A Rosh Yeshiva of Brisk "Der mishna berurah iz for yesoimim, ich hob a tattah". (The Mishna Berurah is for orphans, I have a dad)
Chief Rabbi Sir Jonathan Sacks, "What do you get when you cross a yekker with a chabadnik? A Moshiach who arrives on time."
Kotzker Rebbe "What's the difference between a Hasid and a Mitnaged? The Hasid has fear & trepidation before G-d whilst the Mitnaged has fear trepidation before the Shulchan Arukh"
Pure truth
Hitchcock, "The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder."
Iris Murdoch- "Almost anything that consoles us is a fake"
We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife's beautiful and his children smart
From Quality Street to Revels
Y-Love- "Subs constitute an intrusion of secular values? Can one get onions with secular values? How fragile is the community that has to protect itself from sandwiches?"
R' Hirsch-aggadic sayings do not have Sinaitic origin.. someone whose opinion differs from that of our sages in a matter of aggadah shouldn't be deemed a heretic
The Streets "it's hard enough remembering my opinions without remembering my reasons for them"
R' Schneerson "It is not possible to ask a question about a [Rebbe being a] go-between, since this is God Himself, as He has clothed Himself in a human body"!
Neil Clarke didn't know where to look for all the blood and cleavage (in Sweeney Todd that is...)
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