I don't often eat dinner but when I do...

I think I should go on masterchef; I really should. I think I have a natural talent for taste combination and I'm quite pretentious.

The only problem is I never cook. I'm a Shabbat- eater really, eating Friday and Saturday means I don't have to eat dinner the rest of the week. To be honest, I just can't be bothered. I don't mind cooking for four hours for Shabbat because we then take four hours to eat, with company. But there is no point spending 50 minutes to cook when it takes 5 minutes to eat by myself. It's not as if I'm really hungry anyway; I rarely feel the need for food. If it's there I'll eat it; if not, I won't. Simple. I'm a 'picker'... if there is food in front of me I cannot stop eating. The worst is crisps at parties or roast potatoes just staring at me from the bowl. But if there is no food around, I don't miss it.

However, tonight my hand was rather forced. I had to use up the scraps of food that I do own in time for Pesach. So it all started quite orthodoxly with the quorn 'chicken-style' pieces going in the pan. Out came the cherry tomatoes, nicely and (almost) neatly chopped and into the saucepan. I was going to stop there but it felt a bit empty.

Then out from the lovely plastic Sainsbury's container provacatively peeped the plums (and alliterated at me). So yes, they got chopped up and put in the saucepan too. But I thought that was a bit boring, it's just quorn with a bit of fruit (slightly hot fruit at that). What was really needed was a sauce... so out came the orange juice (!) and into the pan it went. Now of course this may just taste like fruit salad (slightly hot fruit salad) with quorn randomly stuck in. It needed a bit of cohesion and a balance of taste.

So, and this was the killer touch (killer with a 'ph'- you know like 'phat')- a grand dollop of honey smeared over the quorn. This blended everything together. The tomatoes seeped juice into the orange juice, and in that direction the honey did venture of its own accord. This fruity sauce was born, fitting perfectly with the sweet quorn. It didn't taste like orange juice anymore. But, like... [and at this point I would have to baptize a new word]

Sound disgusting? I assure thee that it was not so. I impress myself sometimes with my own genius. I write this note as a public service announcement. If I have achieved nothing else in my life (and I haven't achieved much else of note) I leave this as my legacy. I have in the past made concoctions that whilst edible, and comparably pleasant, I wouldn't put in the 'outstanding success' column on life's balance sheet. But this actually tasted nice! Actually. Literally. Substantially. I dare you to try it.

The real element of success though........... was NOT adding chilli powder (I was tempted)